The First British Lutheran Blog Ever

I threw most of this together at 1:15 on Sunday morning, composing from thoughts which have been brewing in my mind for a while.

I once made the statement, "I think I just need to wait til I find a girl who's on the same page (in terms of outlook, attitude, desires, etc.) as me". But... I don't know if that's realistic. To use an analogy... I've gone through many pages in many books to get to where I am today, and I'm still reading (I don't know if this page/book analogy will stand for long but I'll use it til it falls apart). It's easy to categorize, to make a list... but, persons go beyond categorizations. I'm not even hoping to find someone who's reached all the same conclusions I have... just someone who's willing to ask the same questions I've asked, and continue to ask, as well as bringing to the table more of her own. I don't want the only questioning voice I hear to be mine. Often, with the way we think, the journey is as important as the destination. After all, I don't have all the answers, (just some of them, and even they, sometimes can't be appreciated just by saying it all straight out), but I know the questions are worth asking. There are far too many unwritten rules of "we don't ask things like that around here". The alternative to embarking on that exploration is to drown in shallowness and fail to be anything like the type of persons we are meant to become. Sure, I engage in fiction in motion when I play-fight in capoeira, watch a movie, go clubbing, etc. Let enjoyment be enjoyment, but I can't let myself think that's even half as real as real life. I can't find my identity in entertainment. I just think it would be really great to find someone who I can actually talk about these things with, to find someone concerned about more than the superficial. Maybe those conversations themselves won't produce answers, but at least we're sharing our hearts, even if the results of that sharing are barely noticeable in the here and now. I'm not talking about being absolutely clear and explicit when we can't be. It's not about matching intellect or having the right things, or enough things, to say. I simply long for the kind of friendship with a girl where I don't have to be concerned with presenting things I'm not even so sure about myself with a need of absolute crystal clarity which I can't even muster myself; the kind of friendship where I can speak the semi-coherent ramblings of my heart and head without fear of being judged or concern of what her reaction might be, and for her to be able to be comfortable doing the same with me. It would be an incomparable treasure for the thoughts she'd usually keep to herself to simply come out of her mouth when I'm with her. And at the same time, to not feel pressured to say a thing if there's nothing to say. For my, and her, approach to be something like "this is me, strength and weakness, faith and doubt, good and bad... and I don't fear a thing in being myself with you".

The world sees a relationship get serious because a girl drops her pants. I see it when both man and woman take off their emotional and mental masks and are actually themselves, naked in a way far more profound than purely physical nakedness.

I suppose that's why I blog my inmost thoughts... Could it be emotional and mental sluttiness - me sharing myself with the world with no one reciprocating? Perhaps. Is it helpful or harmful, to myself and to others? I don't know. But at the root of it is perhaps a realization that absolute solitude in one's inmost being leads to emotional insanity... or at least emotional underdevelopment. And man, do I know this is an inadequate outlet. But it's all I have until I have her, that ever elusive her. But the knowledge of that inadequacy with the current situation simply drives my desire and hope, and determination in patiently waiting for, since there's nothing I could do to bring it about, someone who really will be someone to me. Perhaps this attitude makes me look desperate, as my friends are always warning me about. After all, it's a sad part of human fallen nature to want what you can't have, and to not appreciate what you have til it's gone, so I'd stand a better chance if I played the system a little. But you know what? I'm a man, and I finally have a clue of what that means. I'm not designed to be alone. I'm not complete on my own. I've been made by God to love, then when I failed to do that, redeemed and am being remade to love more than humanly possible. I'm a passionate and irrational lover, patiently awaiting to love and delight in my beloved, whoever she may be. If that's "desperate" then I'll be content and unashamedly desperate, and I don't regret a thing. Those who want to bring shallow presumptions to the table about my reasons and depth of conviction can stick their shallow presumptions where the sun don't shine. I'm me. People who think that what you see is what you get, and that's all there is, can keep drowning in their shallowness. I'm a 5'8 aggressive-looking guy with a big eyebrows and big sharky nose who has a tendency to go completely hyper when having fun. If that's all a girl sees, she's not worth my time. As I've written before, taking a line from the movie Hitch, people are icebergs: 90% of their mass is under the surface, unseeable at first glance or first impressions.

I'm finding the older I get, the more I'm looking for and the less I'm finding. It's been a rough road moving from "falling for any sweet, pretty girl" when I was 18, to "stubbornly hoping for more than you've ever actually seen" at a little before 22. Against the odds, I still hope there's someone out there with whom I can be me, in my heart of hearts, in both the special and ordinary moments of life, and who will return the intimacy, in a life through which we know and explore the mysteries that are heaven and earth, and each other, in both the special and ordinary. No masks, no secrets, no discomfort, no unneccesary restraint, no fear, just naked honesty. And that kind of love is more wild and dangerous than anything else the world has to offer. Is there any girl out there that actually and sincerely wants that much real intimacy? God I hope so.

I'll be glad when I don't have to use this blog as my only outlet of deep thought.

This is what I post when I seem to lose the ability to write substantial blog posts.

My old car has gone. My new has come. Goodbye former write-off Hyundai Accent, hello nice little obedient, quiet, Fiat Punto. This is a good thing.

And the feeling you get from having a close female friend fall asleep under your arm and leaning on your shoulder because she trusts you to keep her safe and protect her, has gotta be one of the best things about being male :)

Apologies for not posting this sooner, and thanks to Rick for prompting me. Thank you so much, everyone who's been praying for him. Just to let you all know, he's recovering very quickly. He's able to get out of the house so long as he isn't on his feet all the time. He just needs to be careful with his sternum, which will take 3 months to heal.

Ok, it's 7:50 and I g2g2work. More blogging later.

Since I've started this blog, I've noticed that I write in such a way that if you attempt to speed-read or skip bits, you probably won't understand what I'm saying. I'm not the most coherent writer after all. Hence it's a good idea to put off reading until you have enough time, then take your time as you read, thus saving plenty of misunderstandings.

If however, you have read it and don't understand something I say and don't want to leave a comment about it, please feel free to email me at mygodmygodwhyhaveyouforgivenmeATyahooDOTcom (obviously replacing the AT and DOT... I have to be careful of automatic e-mail collectors trawling the net. I don't like junk e-mail).

“Let's talk about sex, baby...”

Or

“Why I can talk about romance and theology in the same breath”

Or possibly

“What happens when the two things on Chris' mind all too much were just involved in a car crash and became horribly coalesced... crash, die, bang... yes... and that's why we wear seatbelts”

(Warning: Contains some sexually explicit language (of a Biblical nature). If you are likely to find this offensive, don't stop reading. It's ok, really. You can just read and be offended and know that you have problems. Have a nice day.)

So my friend Tim asked me essentially, in a more polite way, what the heck I'd been smoking in my moving of the statement “human beings enjoy sex so much because sex is a lot like God is” from the realm of “legitimate speculation” to “dude, I think I actually believe this”, thinking that I was pointing to ancient cultic orgies of various religions, or that human pleasure reached out to God. That's not what I meant at all. So this post is meant to explain what I do mean. Now I haven't had a whole lot of comments on my recent posts, but I'm hoping that the older, wiser readers of this blog, especially the married ones, will either shoot my ideas to pieces or confirm them as “not entirely insane”. I wish I could say I had all the answers, but I can't. All I have is the Scriptures as taught by the Church, which led me to this subtle and subjective world-view and feel-for-life based in and on an objective, orthodox faith. This is not so much a formal systematic explanation as much as the contents of my head and some notes I made going blehhh onto your computer screen.

So here goes, though this could take a while, and I honestly don't know where to begin...

Genesis might be a good place.

1:27, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

An intrinsic part of humanity is the differentiation between male and female. To be human is to exist in a duality of male-female. Humanity, male and female, was created for fellowship, in the image of God, as the Trinity is a fellowship, to relate to one another, not as isolationists. (For now, I'm leaving out the discussion of those who live in celibacy and how this fits in with this picture, but in short it suffices to say that they still exist as and live out male and female lives).

After each creation day of Genesis 1, God looks upon all He has made and declares it “very good”. However, when he comes to the man, Adam, he says, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) This term, 'ezer, translated “helper” does not mean merely an assistant, but the mirror in which man comes to know himself as man. Having been created for fellowship, the man and the woman come to know themselves rightly only through knowing each other.

And after God takes a rib from Adam and forms Eve, while Adam sleeps – note the gift of his companion is neither by his deserving or by his request, but purely by grace – God brings her to him, as his reaction is pure astonishment, “At last! This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!” (Genesis 2:23). The woman is the end to the man's aloneness, and she completes and fulfils him, and he her. God has created a relationship by which each of two persons come to know themselves through knowing the other in a union of love. Here, their differences as male and female become more than complementary. In a life of loving and knowing and relating to the woman, he becomes more man than he was before, realising the very nature of who he is; likewise, as she loves and knows and relates to him, her womanhood is fulfilled and completed. God then decrees, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” And we are told, “the man and the wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:24-25). In this union, they hide nothing from each other. Physical nakedness and unashamedness finds their appropriate place before the one with whom we are mentally and emotionally naked, known without deception or masks of any kind.

The union of husband and wife includes and is consummated by the most intimate sharing in their sexual relationship. The fact that we are told in Genesis 4 that “Adam knew Eve” is not a mere euphemism, but a statement that in sexual activity, a unique knowing takes place, not so much an increase in knowledge about sex itself, but knowledge of oneself and one's spouse as sexual beings united with one another in the most intimate union of selfless giving and receiving. With their differences as male and female completing and fulfilling each other, the two become one. In terms of human sexuality, 1 + 1 = 1. This knowing of oneself and each other, is not knowable apart from being in, believing in, and enjoying such a loving, self-giving union.

Yet this sexual union is meaningless apart from the environment of a loving, self-sacrificing marriage relationship. If I said anything like I said in the above paragraphs to some people, they'd think I was crazy. “It's just sex” they'd say, not realising that what makes the difference between enjoying the most incredible union to be found in this world and “fucking” is the point of view and attitude one takes. Perhaps it's only discernable by faith, not sight. More on this later.

But at any rate, sexual union can only be what it was meant to be with the understanding and appreciation of it's nature as a good gift from a good God. A strong, wild, and vibrant river only remains such because of the presence of the boundaries, the banks of the river, which guide its course. We shouldn't draw our attention to the river banks, however, but the beauty of the river. Though, without those boundaries, the river spreads out to become more like a shallow, stagnant lake, robbed of the beauty and life it originally had. CS Lewis wrote in the Screwtape Letters, fictitious letters of one demon giving advice to another, where Screwtape, being a demon and all, refers to God as “the Enemy” who has created pleasure, saying:

"Never forget that when we are dealing with any pleasure in its healthy and normal and satisfying form, we are, in a sense, on the Enemy's ground. I know we have won many a soul through pleasures: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage the humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden."

Often, when sexuality is referred to in the Bible, often it is done in reference to what God prohibits, rather than its intrinsic beauty. We look at the river banks, rather than the strength and beauty of the river within those banks. And yet, Biblically, human sexuality is present throughout as a weak image of the relationship, and the joy, between God's people and Himself, and is praised, sometimes explicitly. For example, in the book, the Song of Songs, though much of its imagery may seem weird to western ears unfamiliar with the depth and richness of Semitic erotic imagery and references it contains, it's blatantly clear, even to our English-speaking minds, in many parts, what it's speaking of, celebrating, and praising:

My beloved put his hand beside the opening,
and my heart was thrilled.
I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with 'myrrh',
and my fingers with flowing 'myrrh',
on the curves of the 'lock'.
-Song of Songs 5:4-5

In delighting and revelling in God's gifts with a thankful heart to the Giver, Christian husband and wife not only please each other, but worship God. Yet the satisfaction of sexual appetite without this lifelong commitment to love ultimately remains in the realm of animals, not humanity, since it ultimately places ones own pleasure above selfless and totally self-giving love of the other. What is meant to be a gift to primarily know and please the other, becomes abused in seeking to please oneself. Here is the realm of non-committal (by which I mean not lifelong marriage) sexual relationships and masturbation, which as some have pointed out, boil down to the same problem of selfishness. “I want what he/she can give, but I don't want to commit to be with him/her for life” is the ultimate reason for seeking to get the pleasure without the commitment, and hence it is not so different from masturbation. “By it's very nature, masturbation divorces sexual satisfaction from the giving and receiving of sexual intercourse in the marital union and is symptomatic of the tendency of human beings to turn in upon themselves for the satisfaction of their desires.” (CTCR: Human Sexuality)

Likewise Lewis comments:

"For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete his own personality in that of another and turns it back; sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides.

And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is: always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among those shadowy brides he is: always adored, always the perfect love, no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself."

So, this wonderful gift of love-making can and does become very easily nothing more than shallow “fucking”, or “turning your girlfriend into a sex doll/your boyfriend into a human dildo” as someone once wrote. “I want, but I don't want to keep. I want to satisfy my sexual appetite, but I don't love you enough to commit to loving you forever”. Sex doesn't seem any more to be so special as to need to be kept for the marriage bed. Man needn't at all be concerned with woman as woman - a human, personal, and beautiful being who calls him to fellowship by giving his life to and for her each and every day of his life - but simply with her physiological functions and equipment. At such a level, it's easy to see why the world teaches that sexual partners are interchangeable. But such a view of interchangeable sexual partners dehumanises and cheapens the personal significance of love-making. Lewis again:

“We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus...

[But] Eros (love) makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give”

In this marriage relationship, where man promises to be his woman's, and woman promises to be her man's, for life, we find the perfect environment for children to be brought into the world. God has given humans the power to bring life into the world through this sexual union, in which husband and wife share a common work of bringing their children into the world with the intrinsic pledge of raising them to adulthood. The child is the incarnation, the embodiment, the manifestation, of his/her parents' commitment and love to one another.

This definition of sexuality runs throughout Scripture. Read Ezekiel 16 or Hosea, or any of the Scriptures where God says that he marries his people, rejoices in them, unites himself to them, loves them, pursues them, stays faithful to them even when they are not. All this is fulfilled in, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word (i.e. Baptism), so that He might present the church to Himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish”. Marriage and sexuality is not invoked because God's relationship with His people is a bit like marriage and sexuality, but because marriage and sexuality were created by God in order that something much greater, much more close, much more joyful, much more fulfilling might be understood: His relationship with the Church.

Husbands are called to live each day for their wives because Christ lived each day of His earthly life for his bride, the Church, to give all they have, if necessary, because Christ gave all He had, his own life, in living and dying and resurrection, for His bride. In marriage, husband and wife are called to lives of total dedication and willingness to sacrifice for the other: The love of Christ being lived out through them. Like man and woman complete each other in their total self-giving and knowing of each other, so humanity is completed in Christ, the God who became man so that man might have union with God. In saving humanity and uniting them to Himself through the God-man Christ, God is revealing who He really is in his naked, unashamed heart-of-hearts: Salvation, Mercy, Sacrifice, Love. This is not a merely conceptual and abstract idea, but something real and experienced, even in part, now. In giving to us His body and blood in the bread and wine of the Eucharist, Christ makes us “bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh”. Because of Christ's rescue of us from sin, death, and hell, and his exaltation of us as partakers of the divine nature, God delights in us and we delight in God, not only like, but as lovers. Human beings enjoy sex so much, not just because it is a brilliant and good invention of a brilliant and good God, but because its joy of union is a weak representation of the much greater and closer joy of union we will have in eternity with God, and in terms of sex being the medium and means of fulfilment and knowing other and self, it reflects the greatest means of fulfilment and knowing Other and self, where we become what it really is to be human in a way which we could never know outside of experiencing the union: God's redemption and union with humanity, through Christ.

...and it won't be complete til later today. So in the meantime, here's some truth from CS Lewis' "Mere Christianity":

No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German Army by fighting it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of the wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is the only man who knows to the full what temptation means - the only complete realist.

...to make life seem brighter" or so they claim.

I don't know about "brighter". Some things are damn hard to believe. Sometimes I wish I didn't have any backbone or honesty, so I could become a liberal and cut out the bits I don't like. For example, this past Sunday's Gospel reading, from Matthew 13 was especially hard to stomach:

He put before them another parable: ‘The kingdom of heaven may be compared to someone who sowed good seed in his field; but while everybody was asleep, an enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and then went away. So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared as well. And the slaves of the householder came and said to him, “Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where, then, did these weeds come from?” He answered, “An enemy has done this.” The slaves said to him, “Then do you want us to go and gather them?” But he replied, “No; for in gathering the weeds you would uproot the wheat along with them. Let both of them grow together until the harvest; and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Collect the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.” ’

Then he left the crowds and went into the house. And his disciples approached him, saying, ‘Explain to us the parable of the weeds of the field.’ He answered, ‘The one who sows the good seed is the Son of Man; the field is the world, and the good seed are the children of the kingdom; the weeds are the children of the evil one, and the enemy who sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the age, and the reapers are angels. Just as the weeds are collected and burned up with fire, so will it be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will collect out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all evildoers, and they will throw them into the furnace of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Let anyone with ears listen!

I have trouble accepting the reality of an eternal hell. But it's not because I think it's unfair. If God were to treat all of us "fairly" we'd all be in hell. Compared to other people, I might not be so bad. But compared to the God who will judge all of humanity, I fall far, far short.

You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, “You shall not murder”; and “whoever murders shall be liable to condemnation.” But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to condemnation; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, “You fool”, you will be liable to the hell of fire... ‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

-Matthew 5

I could go further in demonstrating how I've failed to keep the standards God has set, but it would take a long, long time. Every Sunday I confess that I'm "a poor and miserable sinner... deserving of temporal and eternal punishment". That's not suprising to me any more. I know myself too well. Just try to be truly and utterly good, in thought, word, and deed, for a while. Like Paul says in Romans 7, "the good that I want to do, I do not do; and what I do is what I hate to do". God's Law served, and continues to serve it's purpose as a crystal-clear mirror into my soul, showing my faults, destroying my self-righteousness and my pride.

I thank God that I'm not getting what I deserve, since He, before I even existed to know my need, became man to take on himself the eternal punishment my sins deserve, and quench it.

I just wish it wasn't the case that

wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it

-Matthew 7

Christ died for all people. God wants all to come to a knowledge of the Truth and be saved. All are equally undeserving, sinful, and rejecting of His grace. Yet some are saved, always despite, and never because, of themselves. I am no better than the next man. If anything, I'm worse. Yet Christ has died for me, and God has given me the gift of faith to receive the benefits of his life, death, and resurrection.

Sometimes, I wish that God has some way that He hasn't told us about, of incorporating all of humanity into Christ, that there'd be more than just this life to determine where people go for eternity. Maybe He has. But on Judgement Day, I know I won't be suprised, or complain about Him being unfair, if He hasn't. It appears in Scripture to be pretty plain that He hasn't, and besides, I can't speak of or hope in what God has not said. And I'm certainly not going to say that I, with my extremely partial understanding, am wiser than God. There is more in heaven and earth than I can fit into my tiny mind. We aren't to speculate. The task for the Church on earth is to proclaim with clarity the forgiveness of sins through Christ, for the rest of the time remaining until His return, and trust God to miraculously bring people to faith in an impossible-to-believe message, so that it becomes more than a message, but their salvation and their life.

Christ has died.
Christ is risen.
Christ will come again in glory.

Kyrie eleison.

And wouldn't you know,
Just when I thought I had this
figured out,
I'm back at my first day of school.
Trying not to think too hard,
I raise my hand and scratch my head.
No ideas
Of what to do.

-Webb

You know, I still continue to shed more false assumptions picked up from my pietist days and the world. The final presentation as part of the Better Course goes to show that. It's largely a conflation of "Sanctification: Whole or in Part?" by Thomas L. Olson found in "All Theology is Christology: Essays in Honor of David P. Scaer" from CTS Press, and parts of Luther's Small Catechism. It puts into words what I've been thinking over the past few months on the subject of how, in Christ, humanity finds its wholeness/completeness and fulfillment, in this life and the next.
---
“What does such baptising with water indicate?” asks our Catechism
It indicates that the Old Adam in us should by daily contrition and repentance be drowned and die with all sins and evil desires, and that a new man should daily emerge and arise to live before God in righteousness and purity forever.
St. Paul writes in Romans chapter six: "We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life" (Romans 6:4).

And in Matthew 5:48, we read Jesus' words:

“Therefore, you shall be teleioi (often translated as 'perfect') just as your heavenly Father is teloios (perfect).”

Sometimes one can hear phrases such as “sanctification has nothing to do with one's salvation”. Yet this is outrightly wrong. Sanctification is as much part of our salvation as our justification – our being declared forgiven, pure, holy, by God. They are two sides of the same coin. The forgiveness of sins came with a view to the cessation of sins. Both are bought and worked by Christ.

So what is sanctification? It is the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in the Christian, and the manifestation of His presence by the confession of Jesus as Lord, by love, and even by the soul's inner turmoil caused by the immorality and injustice of the world, including one's own flesh. Often, sanctification is spoken of as being partial for the rest of this life. Yet, the Christian in respect to both his justification, and his sanctification, is no longer under Law, but under Grace (Romans 6:14). Therefore, as faith in the Saviour, be it great or small, justifies, so also Christ's mercy and love, poured into every believer's heart by the Holy Spirit, overflows in works of love toward his fellow man, rendering him teleios before the world, irrespective of how many or few, how small or great those works may be.

Christians live this new life, this sanctified life, not by the compulsion of the Law of God's requirement for us to be sinless, but by the power and for the sake of the Gospel, by which we are saved. The Christian, in daily repenting of his/her sin, longs for sinlessness, and finds this only in Christ. Thus he strives for sinlessness, not because the Law requires it, but out of faithfulness to Christ. His focus is not the Law, but on Christ, his merits, and the forgiveness, life, and salvation he has received through Him. For the Old Adam, our flesh, the Law restrains and threatens and reveals our guilt. Yet for the Christian, a new creation in Christ, the Law, having been fulfilled in Christ, is a guide. Thus the Christian loves God's Law, while the Old Adam hates it.

Sanctification is being made to do what one could not do before. Like, Jesus said to the paralytic “Arise, take up your bed and walk,” sanctification is being made well. Jesus is recorded in the Gospels as using the word teleios when speaking of this wellness or wholeness. This word describes something which is at its end, and therefore whole. The word is never used to describe something in process or partial. While it is a loaded term, Jesus' words may be translated, “You will be whole, therefore, as your heavenly Father is whole.”

But what does Jesus mean by “whole”?

Jesus statement, “Be whole...” directly parallels an identical in meaning statement in spoken by Moses in Deuteronomy 18:13, “Whole you shall be with the Lord your God” where the Hebrew equivalent of teleios is used, tamiym. By using the same phrase here, in the middle of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is drawing a parallel between the Ceremonial Law for the Old Testament Jew, and the Beautitudes for the faithful Christian. Both of these commands point to Jesus the Messiah, in whom they are fulfilled, and at the same time, guide God's people to be a reflection of Him. The Old Testament people of God were told, to “keep them and do them, because that is your wisdom and understanding in the sight of the peoples” (Deuteronomy 4:6). And yet Christ Himself is referred to as Israel's “wisdom and understanding” in Proverbs 8:1. Later in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells his disciples to love their enemies “in order that you may be sons of your Father in heaven”. In being conformed to the image of Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit living within us, we become like God the Father, since the nature and character of both the Son and the Spirit are derived from the Father, who is their Source. The Beatitudes primarily describe Jesus, but by the indwelling of the Spirit, Christians participate in the Beatitudes and are shown to be sons of God.

Back to this word tamiym, Abraham in Genesis 17:1 is told by God, “Walk before Me and you will be tamiym (whole, complete)” and Job is described in Job 1 as “a complete/whole and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil”. According to the International Critical Commentary on Job, the root of tamiym

“does not mean perfect in the sense of absolute sinlessness, for Job, who maintains that he is tamiym, also admits the presence of sins common to humanity; but it is more than... “blameless”, it implies a character that is complete, all of a piece, not, as Satan and after him the friends insinuate, one thing on the surface and another within; it is a character that seeks its end openly, along the one true path...”

Thus Job's person, while he is still a sinner, he is “all of a piece”, complete. He, like other tamiym people, are whole or complete because their earthly conduct reflects their right relationship with God. The one who is tamiym/teleios is not only able to mirror God's image before the world, but he does mirror it, through the working of the Spirit of Christ who dwells in him. In all this, it is not even a “natural response” of a sinner to the Good News, but the work of the Holy Spirit, the Lord and Giver of Life, which brings the Christian to wholeness and gives him the life by which God Himself, united to the Christian, acts and works through them. To have this wholeness or completeness is to have integrity: for that gap between what a person says and what a person does, that is, who he is, to have closed. We, who do not have integrity of our own, being by our natural, fallen character, liars and hypocrites, have been baptised into the Name of Christ Jesus, who has total integrity. But why am I speaking of a closed gap? Well, if teleios/tamiym refers to the spiritual integrity of one in whom the light of Christ shines, where is there room for any gap at all? Jesus allowed no gap when He says to Peter and the disciples in Matthew 18:35 at the close of the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, “So shall My heavenly Father do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother his trespass from your heart.”

This is why the Lord's Prayer literally says, “Forgive us our sins, as we have also forgiven those who sin against us.” We do not forgive others IN ORDER to be forgiven, but because a forgiven child of God cannot do anything but reflect His heavenly Father who has forgiven much much greater from him, not only out of example, but because now the Christian's life is Christ, His body merged with his, His blood running through his veins, His Spirit living and working through Him. Thus, a forgiven Christian forgives. Hence, with this integrity, this new identity, which is a gift of God, not something we can muster, we “receive the Kingdom like little children”, we are “good trees bearing good fruit”, and we are the delight of a God who “desires mercy, not sacrifice”... because He Himself is Mercy by nature, displayed before the world in the life of Christ, and thus, in the life of Christians.

When speaking of sanctification, we are not discussing “true perfection”. Neither are we talking about moral purity. Sanctification is the image of God re-imprinted on man by the Holy Spirit and expressed in acts of mercy by the Christian, which indicate his birth as God's child through Baptism. Through, and only through this indwelling of the Spirit of Christ, of the Wisdom from above, is the child of God teleios: merciful.

To speak of sanctification as a process no more fits the Gospel than justification as a process. As stated previously, faith - great or small – justifies, because it apprehends Christ. To believe that we are justified completely when we are Baptised is not to deny that faith grows and increases. I'm sure all of use have cried out with the father of the demon-possessed boy, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). As Christians we constantly pray and long to grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth. Like justification, sanctification is always complete and always whole, because it is the indwelling of the Spirit of Christ who is never given in chunks, but poured out superabundantly, so mercy also increases in the life of a Christian. As one grows in faith, one grows in love, kindness and mercy.

The Gospel, the Redemption we have in Christ Jesus, is the means of our sanctification as well as the means of our justification. It is right to conclude that whatever strengthens and increases faith in the merits of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins, will also strengthen and increase mercy in the believer's heart. Thus, our common path as Christians is to grow in knowledge of and faith in the Truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

To finish, two excerpts from the Small Catechism:

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Christian church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.
What does this mean?
I believe that I cannot by my own reason or strength believe in Jesus Christ, my Lord, or come to Him; but the Holy Spirit has called me by the Gospel, enlightened me with His gifts, sanctified and kept me in the true faith. In the same way He calls, gathers, enlightens, and sanctifies the whole Christian church on earth, and keeps it with Jesus Christ in the one true faith. In this Christian church He daily and richly forgives all my sins and the sins of all believers. On the Last Day He will raise me and all the dead, and give eternal life to me and all believers in Christ. This is most certainly true.

and elsewhere,

“What does such baptising with water indicate?”
It indicates that the Old Adam in us should by daily contrition and repentance be drowned and die with all sins and evil desires, and that a new man should daily emerge and arise to live before God in righteousness and purity forever.
St. Paul writes in Romans chapter six: "We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life".

...this time, from Bob Dylan. I'm going to not engage in speculation of where his heart is right now, but this song about the Second Coming is timeless, "When He Returns":

The iron hand,
it ain't no match
for the iron rod.
The strongest wall
will crumble and fall
to a mighty God.
For all those who have eyes
and all those who have ears
It is only He
who can reduce me to tears.
Don't you cry
and don't you die
and don't you burn
For like a thief in the night,
He'll replace wrong with right
When He returns.

Truth is an arrow
and the gate is narrow
that it passes through.
He unleashed His power
at an unknown hour
that no one knew +
How long can I listen to
the lies of prejudice?
How long can I stay drunk on fear
out in the wilderness?
Can I cast it aside,
all this loyalty and this pride?
Will I ever learn
that there'll be no peace,
that the war won't cease
Until He returns?

Surrender your crown
on this blood-stained ground,
take off your mask.
He sees your deeds,
He knows your needs
even before you ask.
How long can you falsify
and deny what is real?
How long can you hate yourself
for the weakness you conceal?
Of every earthly plan
that be known to man,
He is unconcerned.
He's got plans of His own
to set up His throne
When He returns.

An exceprt of an interview with U2's Bono: "Add Eternity to That". Hat-tip to the Bunnie. (I'm sure there's some pun-potential in that last sentence, but can't be bothered to think it through right now).

...let's talk about love.

"LOVE? I hear you cry, "VERILY, HE MUST BE KIDDING US!!"
But, "Nay," I tell you, "I kid ye not."

I originally planned to post this last week, but didn't get around to it. I think I'd better explain what I don't know first -and this is the greater part- before explaining what I do know. The way I think and feel about things has gone through so many major changes over the past few years. For example, soon after I turned 20, I wrote this poem which at the time captured exactly how I felt and thought.

A twenty year old man stands with empty arms,
All-too empty, while in that moment, nothing calms
His longing heart, which already loves
And cherishes the one who may (for the man does
Not know the plans of his God) be his bride.
He does not just want someone at his side.
He wants only her... Often does he pray
For her life and soul and even that she would stay
Away from him, and find for herself another
If such a life would be better for her.
With tears from eyes and heart he would
Go through or do anything for her if that could
Only push her closer to Christ, their Saviour.
For now, the vinegar of solitude he savors
As it builds him up by tearing him down
So to better serve his Master and also because he owns
The dream that someday his arms would then
Hold she who is his lover, helper, and very best friend.
Grace will get him through whatever happens.
But for now his arms are empty.

Now, as well as now knowing I could write better than that... mentally, I knew in my head that nowhere in Scripture does God mention that he has garanteed to each person that he has some grand, supralapsarian plan to bring oneself and one's future spouse together to have an absolutely wonderful life, despite the attestations of many Christians to the contrary. Really though, this idea seems to be as shallow as the pagan idea of "there's someone for everyone". Biblically, God graciously provides all that we have in life, but does not make us immune to making mistakes. I really don't see God as wrapping everyone up in cotton wool so they don't have to live by their own decisions. Of course, he interposes to save people from the eternal outcome of their decisions, but I'm not so sure about him guarding the temporal ones. I don't know if God puts much more thought into ordaining that than he does for what we ate for breakfast this morning. Even when two people can seem "meant for each other", we all know how one or both people can, and quite often, royally screw it up. In essence, I'm not expecting God to ordain or guide me to a specific relationship anymore. Whatever happens in my life won't surprise Him, Him being all-knowing and all that, but in a way for some reason I didn't receive or absorb before, I believe some things, including specific human relationships can be foreknown by God, without being ordained by God. (I'm going to qualify what I mean by that in the next paragraph). If they were, they'd reflect His nature. I used to write letters and poems to my future wife, but I've stopped that now. I'm concentrating on each day at a time, less of a dreamer, more "prepared for whatever". (And I think in practical terms, I'm not in a position where I could materially provide for a wife right now, and won't be until my management training is complete, so I'm content to be friends with girls right now without seeking something more "serious"). While the woman I marry, assuming that I do marry someday, may exist on this earth now, she does not exist as my future wife now. She is... whoever she is, and is being made into. At first I thought of destroying those letters but since I really don't know what I'll be thinking in a week from now, I've decided to leave them be. But in thinking about them, I get a strong sense of "This is totally irrelevant. This isn't me anymore. I'm different now." Both in terms of specific attractions and how one feels about romance throughout one's life, I think the Smashing Pumpkins were right:

Time is never time at all.
You can never ever leave
Without leaving a piece of you.
Our lives are forever changed.
We will never be the same.
The more you change, the less you feel.

That reads differently now than it did 6 months ago.

Anyways, now for the part actually worth reading: On Wednesday evening, in the Better Course, I can't remember the whole direction of the conversation, but it reminded me of how in my liberal Anglican high school, we had drilled into our heads, the different forms of love: Philos (Friendship), Eros (Sexual), Agape (God's love). The latter was kept distinct and different from the others. Then, in speaking of the mystical union with Christ, I brought up the verse from Ephesians 5, "husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church...". And since I had my Greek New Testament with me, I looked it up:

οι ανδρες, αγαπατε τας γυναικας καθων και ο Χριστος ηγαφησεν την εκκλησιαν και εαυτον παρεδωκεν υπερ αυτης, ινα αυτην αγιαση καθαρισας τω λουτρω του υδατος εν ρηματι
Husbands, love (agape) your wives just as Christ loved (agape'd) the Church and gave Himself for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her with the washing of water by the word

Not only does this have huge significance to our understanding of the mystical union with Christ by baptism, enjoyed through faith, but to what the role and attitude of husbands are to be. (Though of course, if love isn't reciprocal, there's something very wrong with the marriage... and yet that doesn't mean that the marriage is dissolved and can be walked away from lightly. For example, see the case of Hosea, known in the Biblical book bearing his name. He married Gomer in good faith, though she proved to be an adulterer. She bore three children, but they were not Hosea’s. Because of Gomer’s unfaithfulness, Hosea lived apart from her. Following the separation, Gomer continued her adulterous life and eventually was scarcely different from an ordinary slave. Yet Hosea still loved her in spite of her unfaithfulness. To rescue her from her lovers, he sought her out and purchased her freedom at his own expense. This book, written by the Spirit of Christ through his prophet, is a foreshadow of the love Christ would demonstrate for his Bride, the Church). Now, anyone can take a bullet for another person in a split-second decision, but to daily completely lay down and give one's life for another... that takes a lot more commitment and determination... a lot more love, if you will. And to the standard St Paul is advocating here, a lot more than we can muster on our own with our mere fallen humanity. I know I'm speaking abstractly, about something that I'm yet to see in my life, but... I guess it's good to think these things through a little before I get there. But what I have already been a partaker in, is in the love of God which has been poured into my heart through Christ Jesus, and that will be the basis for my future experience, whatever they may be. (And my life is one of seeking to rid myself of hypocrisy and gaining integrity so that who I am as a Christian is shown by that love).

So often, 1 Corinthians 13 is spoken at weddings:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Now that sounds lovely to just about everyone, but how often is it understood that these are not abstract qualities, but the qualities of Christ's love, demonstrated in what He actually and truly did and does for His Church, and in whom He actually IS, after which and Whom marital love must be modelled and understood?

For those who are in Christ, marriage is far more than what the world sees it to be. Even the eros aspect, the sexual union, when informed and undergirded by an understanding of true agape, proclaims Christ's union with the Church. (I guess the 'Christian hedonists' were right, but only when viewed Christologically: humans enjoy sex so much, because sex is a lot like God is). Marriage is a path of theosis, of becoming like God, in learning, through Christ's indwelling in believers, to share in and live out the love that He has and demonstrated and demonstrates for His Church.

Signing off,
The expert at being clueless,

Chris

... so I could translate this (from the London News Review. HT to JH):

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

This is London. We've dealt with your sort before. You don't try and pull this on us.

Do you have any idea how many times our city has been attacked? Whatever you're trying to do, it's not going to work.

All you've done is end some of our lives, and ruin some more. How is that going to help you? You don't get rewarded for this kind of crap.

And if, as your MO indicates, you're an al-Qaeda group, then you're out of your tiny minds.

Because if this is a message to Tony Blair, we've got news for you. We don't much like our government ourselves, or what they do in our name. But, listen very clearly. We'll deal with that ourselves. We're London, and we've got our own way of doing things, and it doesn't involve tossing bombs around where innocent people are going about their lives.

And that's because we're better than you. Everyone is better than you. Our city works. We rather like it. And we're going to go about our lives. We're going to take care of the lives you ruined. And then we're going to work. And we're going down the pub.

So you can pack up your bombs, put them in your arseholes, and get the fuck out of our city.

Someone please get that translated and sent to Al-Jazeera.

It was such a beautiful day... :(

Ok, in contrast to the sheer meh-ness of my previous post from a few minutes ago, below are the two lessons I taught tonight (followed by discussion) in church as part of the section of the Better Course on "The means of grace". Previous topics included: the Bible, God, Prayer, Liturgy, Law and Gospel, etc. For my material I relied heavily upon various articles in the book "We Believe: Essays on the Catechism" by CTS Press.

Baptism

Luther once preached, “Indeed, if I had the matter under my control, I would not want God to speak to me from heaven, or to appear to me; but this is what I would want – and my daily prayers are directed toward this end – that I might have the proper respect and true appreciation for the gift of Baptism, that I have been Baptised.” (LW 3:165)

Though in many places, it is often abused today as a nice little social ceremony done to babies with the consent of parents who have no intention for their child to be brought up as a Christian, Baptism still remains the powerful door to the Church, not merely in external membership, but to salvation from sin, death, and hell, through our Lord Jesus Christ. Baptism is more than an initiation rite. Rather, baptism is almost synonymous with the entire Christian life. Being a Christian and being baptised are the same thing. Some have asked, if the doctrine of justification, of freely given forgiveness, life, and salvation, received by faith, undeserved and purely by grace... if this doctrine of justification is truly the central doctrine of the Christian faith, why then does Luther not include it in any of his Small Catechism? The answer to this is: he has. The doctrine of justification by grace through faith cannot be understood in isolation. Rather, Baptism is the means by which the Holy Spirit applies the merits of Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection to sinners such as ourselves. The believing, baptised community is the Church, and the Church is the baptised community of believers. Baptism is the foundation Sacrament for participation in the life of the Church. Confirmation is the affirmation of Baptism. Confession and Absolution is a verbal delivery of our standing before God by virtue of our Baptism. All of the means of grace, the preached Word, Baptism, and the Eucharist, give to use forgiveness, life, and salvation, but it would be wrong for us to blur or homogenise them. They are not the same and have different functions so they cannot be substituted for each other. Baptism and Holy Communion are complementary sacraments, with one requiring the other. In Baptism, we become part of Christ, being baptised INTO Christ Jesus, and in the Eucharist, He becomes part of us. The Holy Spirit, by Baptism, unites us with the God-Man, Jesus Christ, who unites us with His Father. Now we are marked with the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and are acceptable in God's sight to share in Christ's sacrifice through the mystery of the Lord's Supper.

“But how can water do such great things?” asks the Catechism. It then supplies the reply, “Certainly not just water, but the word of God in and with the water does these things, along with the faith which trusts this word of God in the water. For without God's word the water is plain water and no Baptism. But with the word of God it is a Baptism, that is, a life-giving water, rich in grace, and a washing of the new birth in the Holy Spirit, as St. Paul says in Titus, chapter three: "He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Saviour, so that, having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying" (Titus 3:5-8).

God is present in the water of Baptism, and on that account, it can do such great things as forgive sins, grant life, and salvation, and actually confers the power of Christ's resurrection. In Baptism we have something that can be found nowhere else. In Baptism, God takes us to Himself and He comes to live within us. Through Jesus, we share in the divine nature, as St. Peter tells us. We become the temple of God and the Holy Spirit is given to dwell within us. In the Old Testament, the presence of God was something to be greatly feared. Israel stayed far away from Mt. Sinai, where Moses received the 10 Commandments, because God was on that mountain. Moses was not permitted to see God's face because it was impossible for a man to see God's face and live. But in Baptism, God comes face to face with us. Instead of wrath and death, God gives to us his very life, and our sins are forgiven, to be remembered no more. The unapproachable God, approaches us in the water of Baptism! In baptism, God tells us, “You were lost, now you are found. You were my enemy, now you are my child. My Son, Jesus Christ, and his righteousness, are yours, and you are Mine.”

At this point it is appropriate to ask the final question Luther asks on baptism in his catechism:

What does such baptising with water indicate?

It indicates that the Old Adam in us should by daily contrition and repentance be drowned and die with all sins and evil desires, and that a new man should daily emerge and arise to live before God in righteousness and purity forever.

Where is this written?

St. Paul writes in Romans chapter six: "We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life" (Romans 6:4).

The Lord's Supper

Reading from 1 Corinthians 11:23-26:
For I received from the Lord that which I delivered to you: that the Lord Jesus on the same night in which He was betrayed took bread; and when He has given thanks, He broke it and said, “Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me”. In the same way He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death till He comes.

It has seemed that for the past few decades, the concept of a common meal time for families has diminished. Due to busy, hectic, clashing schedules, it's now not uncommon for a family to eat whenever they can, rather than gather at set times to eat together. Mealtimes don't mean as much as they used to, for many people. Eating is more and more seen in it's dimension of necessity for physical well-being, rather than for its social dimension. Whatever stance one takes on that, one thing is certain: we eat and drink every day, but we'd never say that purely the consuming of breakfast, lunch, and dinner made us who we are. Yet it is a different case in the case of the Lord's Supper. In partaking of the Supper of bread and wine, Christians do not do something merely supplemental to who they are. The eating and drinking of the Supper is not some sort of “add on” to the reality of being a Christian. Strictly speaking, it cannot at all be called something that Christians DO. Rather, the Supper is the means by which Christians ARE and REMAIN Christians.

Traditionally, Lutherans conclude the communion liturgy with the short hymn, Nunc Dimittis, “Lord, now let Your servant depart in peace according to Your word; For my eyes have seen Your salvation, which You have prepared before the face of all people, a Light to lighten the Gentiles and the Glory of Your people Israel.”

And what are we declaring aloud when we sing those words? We are saying that we have actually seen God's salvation, which is the Glory of Israel and Light of the world. The Bread and Wine, which we have just eaten and drunk, are by the power of God's word, the Body and Blood of Christ, in which He won life, forgiveness, and salvation for us by his life, suffering and death, raised in his resurrection, and in which He now brings to us this salvation. The concept of eating and drinking flesh and blood may seem horrific to us, and it was also to Jesus' hearers (see John 6), but only when we understand who Jesus is as the One who is the perfect sacrifice for the sins of the world, and the redeemer of humanity, being Himself truly God and truly man, will we understand the awesome gift we have in the Lord's Supper.

The Supper is not some ghostly, immaterial “soul-food”. It is a concrete reality. Without demanding some kind of metaphysical explanation of the “how”, we accept Christ at his word: that the Bread and Wine are the Body and Blood of Christ, which He has commanded us to eat and drink. Even unbelievers, who do not believe the Gospel or the truth of Christ's words “This is My body; This is My blood” eat and drink the true body and blood of the Lord. Yet that which, or rather Him WHOM, is meant to convey forgiveness, eternal life, and salvation, to the believer, when received by unbelievers, brings condemnation and wrath. Also in Paul's epistle read a moment ago, He mentions that those who eat and drink in an unworthy manner, not discerning the Body and Blood of the Lord, eat and drink damnation upon themselves, and at the time, in Corinth, God had demonstrated this in the illness or death of unbelievers. This is why the utmost care and caution must be taken with the Supper, with the pastor having the great responsibility as guardian of the sacrament. So how does one partake in this Sacrament in a worthy manner? Luther answers in the Small Catechism, “Fasting and bodily preparation are certainly fine outward training. But that person is truly worthy and well prepared who has faith in these words: "Given and shed for you for the forgiveness of sins.””

Thus the forgiveness of sins, the Life of the Spirit which comes with that forgiveness, is bound to a particular Body and a particular Blood. Christ instituted His Supper on the night He was betrayed, which would lead to his death as the once-for-all sacrifice for the sins of the world. Christ has given to His Church in all times and places, the same Last Supper which He shared with His closest disciples. Rather than being a distant story, which we try to grasp through the mists of two millenia, the Lord's Supper brings the once-for-all sacrifice of Christ to us, and we take the freely given life of the Jesus Christ, the freely given life of God. In the Supper, we find ourselves sharing in the eternal Wedding Feast of the Lamb of God, Jesus Christ, slain for the sins of the world. Eternity has broken into time, and we share in the glory of God in this outwardly simple sacrament. Hermann Sasse comments, “The Real Presence [of Christ in the Supper] means that the Incarnation is more than a historical fact of the past. It is reality. Here is God who has become man; here is Christ in His divinity and humanity. Here is the true body and blood of the Lamb of God, given for you, present with you. Here forgiveness of sins is a reality – and with it, life and salvation.” (p. 328, “This is My Body”)

[I then stopped my notes and continued by reading this excerpt from the essay "The Holy Supper: A Taste of Heaven" by Dr. William Weinrich" simply because he said things much better than I could:]

This sacrifice, which Christ made to God and for us, becomes our own sacrifice when we eat the Bread, which is His Blood shed for the forgiveness of sins. Bound to Him who is Priest and Sacrifice, we become a priestly people who render ourselves as sacrifices to God through faith and through a life of love toward our neighbour. This should be understood once more, in a totally concrete, particular and real manner. When we eat His body and drink His blood we become members of that Body and Blood given and shed for the sake of sinners. We, in soul and body, become the Body of Christ, and so are sent forth on the way of peace to serve our neighbor through the forgiveness of sins and the vocation of charity. It is this of which Paul speaks: "By the mercies of God, present your bodies to Christ which is your spiritual worship" (Rom. 12:1). Moreover, since Christ fulfilled all Old Testament sacrificial worship in His death, He began the worship "in Spirit and in Truth" of which the Gospel of John speaks (John 4:24). To partake of His death in the faithful eating of His Body and the faithful drinking of His Blood is to worship rightly in Spirit and in Truth. No higher worship exists than this, to commune at the Lord's Table in faith. For that reason, communion in the Lord's Body and Blood is surrounded by liturgy and hymn through which we thank and praise the Lord for the gifts which are proffered to us for the salvation of our souls and bodies. This is given expression in the short hymn, What shall I render to the Lord, which occurs in the communion liturgy of Lutheran Worship: What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits to me? I will offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving and will call on the name of the Lord. I will take the cup of salvation, and will call on the name of the Lord. I will pay my vows to the Lord now in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the Lord's house, in the midst of you, O Jerusalem."

You know, I totally love how the way I think about so many things at this point in my life can't stay the same for more than a week. Totally.

For the past few days, I've been listening to the song, "I just don't want coffee" by (guess who?) Derek Webb. Lyrics and background here.

The close friends I have right now are the closest and most wonderful friends I've ever had. And yet as I sit here, what I know below the surface is amplified a hundred times: That there is a limit to the experience, the understanding of life that they're able to relate to me on. I wonder if sometimes my faith is seen as an event in my history or part of my life (one of my friends once said something about how cool it was that I keep my religion "seperate" from the rest of my life... I don't know if that's the right word for it. As opposed to how I used to be, I simply don't speak about it unless asked.). But it isn't part, but the very Life by which I live out my life. Every religion and cult on earth has its own prescribed "way of life", but in my case, it's more than the effects of religious fanaticism (been there, done that, gave it up a long time ago). My mere Christianity is what dictates every motivation I have in life, and as much as I find the term annoyingly ambiguous and undefinable, my relationship with Christ is the very foundation of who I am. (After all, he did more for me than forgive me. He's making me truly human in a way I haven't been before). And as a person, I can't truly be known without knowing the Gospel which makes me who I am (and who I'm becoming). I was asked last night by a friend with whom I was walking home last night "what is love?". Such a question isn't answerable in a few sentences or by pointing to emotions which may come and go. Without intimate knowledge of the life, death, and resurrection of the God-made-man, Jesus Christ, all we have to answer that question are faint shadows and echoes. People can perfectly happy with them at the time, but there's more, much more.

So I live my life pretty much alone when it comes to the deepest levels. But I'd much rather have the Life I have, and be alone, than to not have it, and have everyone able to relate to me. It's really Who not what you know. (But at the same time, if I didn't know, I know I wouldn't care). While my knowledge and intellect may be useful in dismantling false assumptions, and promoting and demonstrating the feasibility of everything I believe and stand for, it can't make anyone believe it, or even be interested in it. No one can make themselves interested or believe.

So, if God wants people interested in the most important thing in life, He'll make them interested; and if asked by anyone, I'll answer. Til then, I'll keep my mouth shut and get on with my life, enjoying the friendships I have, always wishing there were more who could relate to me, but accepting that there's nothing I, or anyone else, can do to change the situation.

Everyone dies.
Not everyone truly lives.